Happy Birthday

Taken from us so prematurely....
So much you missed out on.
So many things I missed out on because I didn't want to do them without you.

You did not walk me down the isle, you did not meet your my husband, you will never know your grandchildren. You will never know the woman I have become, the woman you helped build.

I miss listening to you play your guitar, I miss fishing in the rain with you, I miss listening to you talk - just hearing your voice. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you. I still dream about you. Time doesn't take away or even lessen the pain, despite what people promised. All time does is carry me with it and force me to learn to live without you.

My hero.....

No one will ever know, no one will ever understand. They weren't there. The part of me that you still hold will always belong to you. The part of my life that you were in is mine, and mine alone.

Some may never know, and some may simply forget. But I am the one who will always remember.

Happy Birthday Daddy....

BY THE WAY: The last 8 songs on my player are a tribute to my dad so whoever doesn't like it can kiss my fat ass.

Thanksgiving

Well, today I am running like a chicken (or more appropriately a turkey) with it's head cut off trying to get everything done by tomorrow. I have to finish cleaning the house, go to walmart, and then start cooking for Thanksgiving dinner. Thankfully my hubs is helping me out and one of the guys is coming over to help cook. We're going to have a lot of food: turkey, dressing, green bean casserole, mash potatoes and gravy, rolls, pecan pie, sweet potatoe pie, cranberry sauce.... yeah.
One of the guys is coming over tonight and he's going to help me cook. Good thing because I've got a lot to do. I am growing steadily more concernicus about the turkey. I took it out of the freezer and put in in the fridge on monday, and its STILL not thawed. Today I called Mama in a near panic and she told me to set it out on the counter, so there is sits. The thawing process has sped up considerably, but I'm still nervous.
I hung curtains and artwork today. The house looks more like a home now, and as soon as I get more frames I'm going to hang more. We still need furniture. I think Ashley and Joe might give us their table. Its a round wooden one, and I think instead of using it in the kitchen I'm going to put it in the living room to spruce things up. Set pictures and knick-knacks on it ya know, candles and stuff. There's an auction at Goodwill saturday, and I kinda want to go. There are some really awesome art pieces there, and a couple of other things.
I've finally made a meal plan to go by weekly. It makes life SO much simpler! I sat down with hubs and we decided what we would like to eat when, and there it is. Tonight was chili/soup night so I am making chili in the crock pot. I usually make it in a soup pot, but I don't have time to mind it tonight and if its in the crock pot it won't need as much attention. I hope it turns out well. Anyway, having a meal plan makes budgeting easier, makes grocery shopping easier, makes every day less complicated because I don't have to worry about what to cook. And of course my meal plan only goes from monday to friday, because I don't do any scheduled cooking on the weekend - plus thats usually when we eat out.
Well, I need to start the pies so I'm out. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
(and yall know who yall are - I miss you!)

whats up

Well, the past week has been nice. The weather is getting cooler (it got down to 35 the other night) and I'm enjoying that. A couple of the guys got back from Iraq last week so we had a welcome home party for them. Its good to have them back.
I have went out to eat 3 times this weekend. Yes, I did. But you know what? I ordered ceaser salads at two of them and regular salad at olive garden. I also had the fettichini alfredo (one of the top 3 most fattening foods eaten in the US) but ordered lunch portions and couldn't even finish it because I had eaten about 4 bowls of salad. lol I've discovered I like croutons. I used to HATE them, but now I like them a lot. Weird.
The house was a disaster area when I woke up today. It always gets trashed on the weekends, but mulitply it by about five times when we have people over. Rock band equipment strewn all over the living room, soda cans and empty water bottles scattered throughout the kitchen (this time there were also potatoes in random places. One of the guys thought it would be funny to put potatoes in cups of coffee, the coffee pot, stuck to things, lol.), clothes all over the bedroom floor where me and Alex tried on a million different outfits. lol I HATE the house being like that. I can't stand clutter. So its pretty much back to normal now, although I must confess to feeling dread at the thought of even beginning to clean.
Now we have Joe and Ashely coming over to play video games. They just got the new call of duty and I'm hoping its as good as COD4.
I'm off the cyber kill someone. lol Video games rock.

The 44th president on of the USA

Well, the votes are in and we have our new president.
Barack Obama.
He won not only the electorial vote by more than half, but also the popular vote by more than 3,000,000.
I don't reallyknow what I think of this..... I am relieved McCain will not be president, but how much better is Obama? We really have no way of knowing. I think that the next four years will be interesting, and quite possibly disasterous. Quite.
I had no doubt Obama had this in the bag, but honestly I thought it would take longer to figure this out. Here is it not even 11pm and we already have our answer. I remember when Bush was elected the first time, and it was a long drawn out ordeal that lasted late throughout the night. Tom Brokaw was nodding off at his desk and eating crackers to stay awake. It was hilarious. Tonight, though I am pleased Mccain is not the 44th president, tonight is sober and quiet. A time when one must sit back and do their best to imagine what is to become of us. A night when we recognize there was no good choice in this decision, that as America we are on our knees and there is no savior politician to rescue us.
What will become of us? I have no idea.
We would have lost either way.
I hope I am wrong.

Answers, FINALLY

Okay so I had my back evaluation friday - sorry I didn't post sooner - and finally got a diagnosis.
I have Lumbar Instability/Hyper-Mobility.
Here is a link to a list of definitions from several phisicians. http://www.back.com/faq.html?intFAQID=29&txtFAQ=What_is_lumbar_instability?&michelson= But for a quick over-view: This is a very difficult term to diagnose objectively under any circumstances or with any specific radiographic studies. Articles have been published in the literature with definitions of lumbar instability. Most patients who suffer from chronic back symptoms also suffer from chronic muscle spasm, which prevents their spine from moving enough to diagnose instability. I believe lumbar instability exists when a patient has a disc that is not functioning and results in an abnormal amount of motion diagnosed by the fact the patient has chronic pain. I believe patients who have chronic back pain by definition have lumbar instability. The definition fits perfectly, seeing as how I have muscle spasms and I have stated many times that it feels like the vertebrae in my lower back are grinding together. I still have to make an appointment for actual therapy, but now I know whats wrong and hopefully that it can be fixed. My therapist told me its most likey due to unstabe ab muscles - not the "beach abs" as she put it but the one's underneath, the "sub-abs" so to speak. The ones that wrap around and support the spine like a corset. She said it wouldn't matter how many crunches or sit-ups I do because that won't affect that set of muscles, but only give me a six-pack and make me look good. That makes me feel better because I WAS working out until my knee and back could no longer tolerate it. I remember one ab exercise on one of my videos, a dance move like a hips north-south-east-west kind of thing, and it KILLED my back. Thats because my spine moves too much, so even normal motions cause severe pain.
I'm just glad someone finally took me seriously and gave me some friggin answers. And I know its not due to inactivety because it started when I was about 15 and very active. Over the years its just gotten worse. Even though my dr was a retard at least she referred me to someone who deserves her license.
Well, I dyed my hair black tonight. My husband doesn't know yet, so I'm interested to see his reaction. He's snoozing and I am too chicken to wake him up. I am kind of nervous about it because my hair has been thinning lately. But the dye was natural instincts, which is ammonia-free. And if I don't like it, its only temporary.
The house is a wreck. I don't know how we manage to destroy the house every weekend even though we aren't doing anything. I guess thats how, because we aren't picking up after ourselves so everything builds up over the weekend and by monday I have quite a job. It usually takes me 2 days to get it back to a good level because my back can't take too much.
I am thinking about getting a job when/if my back gets fixed. I don't know... I don't want a crappy job like walmart or some fast food joint. I mean we are doing just fine with his income and so there's not really a need for me to get one. Just an idea I am batting around.
We didn't do too much this weekend. Just hung out and played rockband with a couple of guys friday night, then hung out with some more friends saturday night, then went to the movies with some other friends sundaynight. We saw Pride and Glory. It was pretty good.
Imma bounce.

Here are some pics of my hair. Sorry about the quality, I had to do it with my phone and so they come out a little fuzzy and too bright. My hair is shinier and darker than it looks in the picture. Trust me, its BLACK.

Road to the whitehouse

As election day approaches I am filled with dread. At the begining of all the campaigning I wasn't planning on even registering to vote. I knew Hillary wouldn't get it, and I didn't know enough about the other candidates to make a decision. As time passed I began to debate weather or not to vote, but neither Mccain nor Obama had impressed me enough. I felt - and still feel - as if we are pretty much screwed either way. It was only the past month or two that I realized that I might actually want to vote. I began to research and compare Mccain and Obama's policies, and realized that I actually agreed with Obama far more. This of course, horrifies my strictly republican friends and family. Its like when my cousin and sister decided to switch their loyalty to Auburn Tigers instead of Crimson Tide (alabama thing). For the record, I am not a democrat. I'm not a republican either. And although I agree more with the Libitarian perspective, I don't attach myself to any party (although I did take a test online and it determined I am a socialist democrat. lol I wonder....). I actually have some communistic (anarchist not marxism) views as well..... Disclaimer: I do NOT support either Mccain NOR Obama, but if I had to make a choice it would be Obama. There are some key issues that helped me decide, such as the war in Iraq, healthcare, renewable energy, the economical crisis. So forth. And because for all appearances, he is an intelligent man. Mccain comes off like a complete moron - like Bush. And after eight years of this, I am sick of having an idiot as a president. And yes, much of my opinion is based on the differences in Mccain and Obama's policies on the war. As an Army wife the majority of my social circle consists of military personel. My daily life in intertwined with military life. I am privy to things that are not common knowlege among cilvilians, and I don't base my education off the media. And it is time to end this war. Mccain says that we will be in Iraq for another 50 -100 years. Wtf? We should not have even been there as long as we have, much less another century. We are losing men (and women), money, and unity over this conflict. Our country is going bankrupt because we are spending billions overseas. Our military is spread too thin, and too much strain is being put on the soldiers due to multiple and over-extended deployments. Over 4,000 soldiers have died in Iraq, and what does Bush do? Make jokes. "Well those weapons of mass destruction gotta be somewhere. lol Nope, not over there..." Thats not funny. And all Mccain talks about is war. War, war, war. Speaks about how there is going to be plenty more war and we better just get used to it. Mccain views things through a strictly military perspective. He sees no solution to problems other than military force. He jokes about bombing Iran, when that would be probably even a bigger mistake then Bush made in Iraq. Pick a city you want erased from the map, because if we bomb Iran we will lose at least one of our largest cities. They WILL retaliate, and it will be devastating. Our soldiers are not pawns on a chessboard. You cannot simply send them to their deaths because you are a warmonger. At least, you shouldn't be able to. I know that war is inevitable, that there WILL be war in the future. But we shouldn't be eager for it, we shouldn't engage in senseless wars when there are other solutions. Its not a game people.
As for the allegations that Obama is muslim, I don't know. I honestly don't, and I don't think anyone does. I also don't think it matters. Not all muslims are terrorists, and if you believe they are, you are mistaken. America is not at war with Islam, we are at war with radical muslims. And we don't even know if Obama is a muslim. According to my observation, he is as he claims: a christian. He was married in a christian church, his kids were baptized in a christian church, and he has attended a christian church and claimed christianity for 20 years. Oh, but he does originate from a place of islam and I'm sure knows some muslims. By the way I forgot to let everyone know, Bush comes from Texas where the KKK is a big thing......
Oh yeah, for those who believe Obama does not support the troops or doesn't respect the flag, that is untrue. I have seen him lead the pledge of allegience on several occasions, and wear an american flag lapel pin at his speeches - including the one today in Ohio. And he also supports Israel, as you will discover if you google it.
Oh yeah, Mccain thinks Putin is the president of Germany.
I know that this is a hot issue, but we have only a week left to determine the fate of our country. Personally, I think Obama's got it in the bag. This does not fill me with warm fuzzies. But when I think of Mccain "taking the throne" so to speak, my heart skips a beat and I find myself filled with dread. As I said before, things are so messed up right now and both candidates are so wacked we are pretty much screwed either way. Your move, choose wisely.
By the way, I missed the cut off date to register to vote. I probably would have just written someone in anyway..... Myself maybe.
Heres a good link for those of you who want to compare policies:
http://www.ontheissues.org

The past two weeks

Its been a while. I've been busy.
Its been a really good two weeks. After the fair we spent a few days bouncing back and forth between our families houses, just enjoying hanging out.

Thursday was Bill's birthday so we had a little family celebration. I think he really liked the Venice - the board we all pitched in and got him. The next day Sandy, Willy, Joey, Chuch and me all headed up to Cheaha National Park where we hiked about a mile into the woods and set up camp. Willy spent a long time trying to get the fire lit, seeing as how everything was soaking wet and it was still raining. He did get it lit, and we had hot chocholate and hot dogs. The next day Ian and Bill hiked up. We spent the next few days cooking over the open fire, hiking through the woods, and trying not to freeze in the middle of the night. Come monday we packed everything up and headed back to the cars. Unfortunately, sometime during the camping trip my camera messed up so I didn't get many pictures. On the way home we stopped at the skatepark and skated. It was fun. Sandy got some pictures but by the time she got the camera working me and Chuch were finished skating and across the park swinging. So you won't see any of me, though I did skate. =) After that we stopped and ate at Taco Bell, where they screwed up our entire order. Then we stopped by Meme's to visit, and me and Chuch got trapped in the yard by a very large dog (scary). That night I had to say goodbye, and I confess I almost lost it. Getting back home the next few days were spent watching dawsons creek, eating Mama's yummy creations, and just spending quality time with my family. One night Willy and I had a date at our applebees, then went to the tattoo parlor to watch Pooky get her 4th tattoo. It was a phoenix, on the back of her left shoulder. She said it was for me. Its really an awesome tattoo, and I can't wait to get my first. Wednesday I had to say goodbye again. It was depressing, but I made it through. Our plane was supposed to take off at 5:50pm. We checked in, boarded the plane, and waiting. Then they told us we were being delayed because of bad weather in houston. We spent about 2 hours on the plane before they took us back to the gate and we deboarded. After that we got hourley updates, each one telling us we still couldnt land in houston. Most of the people on our flight ended up going home, and there only ended up being about 15 of us left. Willy and I spent our time tag team smoking and watching The Office in the airport floor. At midnight we finally got the green light and reboarded the plane. We definately had our pick of seats on the plane, and ended up moving to a more comfortable place. We got to houston at about 1:45am, and booked another flight to san antonio (no extra charge) at 7:30am. Just as in Birmingham everything in the airport was closed so there was nowere to get food. We - like many others in the same situation as us - ended up sleeping on the floor near a random gate (ours hadn't been posted yet). At 5am Willy woke me up (appartantly I was sleeping deeply because the janitor had been vaccuming around me and I never woke up) to go to our gate. On the way we stopped at wendys and had breakfast. We ended up getting to San Antonio at about 8am, and after hailing a cab and picking up our car from the barracks we got home just before 10am - 12 hours after we were supposed to. I went to bed after calling Mama and letting her know we were okay. Needless to say, it was a long freaking night.
It was a good vacation though. I enjoyed seeing everyone, and it was good to be home. I can't wait until we go back.

ER

Well, we flew into Alabama on sunday. I was giddy as we landed in Birmingham, thrilled to be home. So was Alex. It was our first time flying together, and we had a lot of fun. Mama cried when she saw me and it felt so good just to hold her. We picked up Chuch, Joe, Nik, and Pook and headed off to the fair. It was awesome. I finally rode the ferris wheel. The first one was the bucket with a whole bunch of people, and the second was just be and Alex. It was more scary then romantic though, but awesome never the less. I rode painted horses with Mama, which was special. Anyway, it was a blast. However it was the first time I've ever gotten sick at ther fair.

The next day, however, gave new meaning to the word sick.

I woke up nausious, and within 15 minutes was bent over the toilet. I have a very calm, laid back way of puking, which involves waiting until I know for a fact I'm within 2 minutes of vomiting, then getting up and walking to the bathroom, pulling back my air and waiting for it to come. I'm usually standing and do my best not to touch the toilet. Well, I did this the first 3 or 4 times, but by the 6th I was sprawled in the bathroom floor, clinging to the toilet for dear life, dry heaving. The seventh time I didn't make it to the toilet, I just leaned over the side of the couch and hurled in a bucket mom had for me. Thats when I saw the blood. I freaked out. I started moaning 'mama!' (who was holding my hair) and she said 'i know baby' and called Alex into the room, telling him we had to take me to the ER. Mom only lives about 2 miles from the Elmore County Hospital, which isn't the first hospital you really want to go to, but we were there soon and after signing in and all that jazz I was seen to. They took blood, x-rays, and asked a bunch of questions. The dr thought I have food poisoning, but I lean more towards a stomach bug. Whatever it was its gone now. I am no longer nausious and though he told me to stay on clear liquids for 24 hours I promptly came home and ate a full meal. I was starving. I'm fine now. I haven't puked or even been nausious. I'm a little weak and my stomach is sore from all the dry heaving, but thats it.

Anyway, I am glad to be home. Never a dull moment right?

The facade

Sometimes you just don't expect something to happen, or you have this feeling but you just say your being paranoid. One day I will learn to listen to my intuiton.
What is worth losing a potentially priceless friendship? How much sacrifice is too much in return for knowledge? How much do you let slide, how much do you let someone get away with? I believe in living life on the edge, but some games are dangerous to play and the prize may not be worth the price. But what if it is? What if you put everything on the line in hopes that your gamble will prove worth the risk?
What secrets are too dangerous to keep to yourself? And when is it better to keep your mouth shut?
How far would you let things go in return for self gratification? How much damage would you allow to be done because it makes you feel good about yourself?
What is wrong? Is there such a thing? Are there any black and whites? Are there any wrongs and rights? Or is there simply integrity and the lack thereof. Is there simply people living their lives and following their own paths, regardless of social standards and stigma or their fear of how its going to affect other people?
How many lies does one have to live in order to create another's happiness? How miserable does one have to be to ensure the peace of mind of someone else? Can one person truly make another happy and if so, at what cost to one's self?
Well it seems, my love, I have not forgotten the questions.

So close yet so far

Well, I called again this morning (and yes have been using the urgent care option, I guess they just don't think its actually that urgent), and they finally put me down for Monday. Four days away but at least I've got an appointment.
lady: how can I help you?
me: I have severe lower back pain and need to make an appointment.
lady asks for my sponsor's ssn and my address and name.
i give it to her.
lady: and you said it was lower back?
me: yes.
lady: and how long has this been going on?
me: over a year.
lady: oh....
me: yeah.
So anyway, my back is slightly better. Not much, but I'll take anything. Sleeping on the heating pad seems to help. But I have a problem. My knee started hurting a little again yesterday, probably because I've been sleeping with a pillow under my knees to take pressure off my back. See, when my knee stays bent for too long its gets stiff and starts to hurt really bad. So now I have a dilemma: knee or back. And I can't go back to therapy right now because my back hurts to bad. Oy gevald. Oh and for the record, I'm kind of pissed off that I have to wait until Monday to see the Doctor when I've been barely able to move since Saturday. And for the record, if they prescribe me pain medication you can bet every dollar you have in the bank I am taking it. And if they say ibuprofen, I swear to god, I will stab them in the eye.
Other than that nothing is new. I can't believe its fall..... a part of me wanted this summer to last forever, because there was comfort in knowing my husband wouldn't be deployed for over a year. I can no longer say that.
I can't wait to see my family and friends back home. Even though I've got my own life going on out here in the desert, you guys are woven into my heart so intricately I could never separate it from you even if I wanted.

I am so pissed off

While I didn't have very good experiences with my miltary docters back home, at least they would schedule me an appointment for later in the week. It wasn't "acute" though, just a routine phisical and then a routine pap. Maybe that was the difference. Anyway, here at BAMC they have a really retarded way of doing things. You call in, give your info, tell them whats wrong, and they tell if you if they've got an appointment open that day. If they don't, guess what? You have to call back later and check if anything has opened up. Wth? So I call in, tell this lady I have severe back pain, and she tells me they don't have anything open that day so to call back later. Okay.... Why the hell can't you just schedule me for tomorrow??? It makes no sense whatsoever. I remember they did the same thing to me when I was so sick in the spring. I was having to sleep sitting up, I couldn't breathe, I was miserable. And they told me to call back later. Like I had the energy to keep calling them. It makes me soooo angry. I am sick and tired of dealing with this back pain. Its been over a year now and those morons at Maxwell didn't do jack squat for me. Oh nothing showed up on the xray so that must mean nothings wrong. Yeah, thats why I can't move.

RROOOAAARR!

Real intelligent way to run a hospital. Way to go.

Loshana Tova - and all that jazz...

Well, I hear that it is Rosh Hashana. I made Salmon and chicken lo mein last night, and I'm planning to make flounder and some other things tonight. If my back holds out.
My back has been literally killing me. Over the summer it was much better and only hurt occasionally, but the past month and a half its been getting steadily worse. The past few days I've had no relief, and its gotten to the point where I have to sleep on a heating pad at night, after icing it during the day. Ibuprofin barely even touches the pain. Its amazing the various ways you will invent to try and get out of bed painlessly. I'm most likely going to make an appointment to get it seen about. I already had it looked at in the spring, but they didn't find anything on the xray and didn't look any further. Needless to say, I was pissed. Not this time. This time I won't leave until I'm satisfied.
We went paintballing sunday. It was really fun. Alex refused to be on my team because he - and everyone else - thought it would be funner for us to shoot eachother. So we did. =) It is something we definately will be doing again.
Well, it seems my inspiration has returned and I am finally writing in my book again. I sat down the other night and wrote 5 pgs before bed. I know thats not much, but its more than I've been doing.
We are planning on going up to wichita falls this weekend. We need to get our winter clothes out as well as some other things we've been doing without. I'm not looking forward to the long drive, especially with my back the way it is, but we can't wait any longer. And we can't afford a uhaul truck, so...... just a carfull of as much stuff as we can fit.
Well, I'm going to go ice my back now.

ladeeda

Well, I discovered Giligan has a sibling. I also discovered she is the runt. She is very cute, and comes around every now and then for a meal and some lovin'.
Well, me and Chuch did some investigating today and discovered that the fair will be open from noon to 10pm on the day we arrive, so I guess we will be going. Nothings final, but it looks promising.
Alex mentioned renting a car while we are down because he wants us to have 'our own car'. I told him it would be too expensive plus we aren't 21 (gay). So I guess if we absoloutely have to go somewhere we will just pay for the gas! =)
Alex is going in front of the board for soldier of the month next month. All the NCO's are saying that out of all the nominees he's going to get it. They are also talking about making him team leader. Apparantly he's getting noticed more than we realized. I'm very proud. Thats my boy!
I'm making roasted chicken with potatoes, onions, and carrots in the crockpot for dinner tonight. I'm very curious to see how it turns out. Also, my mother gave me a brilliant idea on how to not waste all the leftovers my husband seems determined not to eat. Freeze them. I know right? How could I have not thought of that before? Its perfect: fix dinner, freeze the leftovers, re-serve them a week or two later, adding extra spices or changing it up a little bit. It feels new, tastes new, he doesn't look at it like leftovers, and I am spared the trouble of cooking from scratch.
I got freakishly excited yesterday while passing the halloween candy isle. I ended up buying 4 bags of candy(one was exclusively for Willy because I don't eat candy corn)- tootsi pops, dum dums, peanut butter bars..... yummy. I also bought Willy doughnuts for his breakfast, but ended up eating a few of them myself. I feel kind of bad, but I rarely ever eat doughnuts or anything like that so I don't feel too horrible.
People never cease to amaze me. I am a pretty damn good judge of character, and I'm pretty privy to general human behavior, but sometimes they still just make me do mental double take. Like how judgemental people can be. In recent years I have become less judgemental than I ever thought possible. The people I "judge" are people I know very well, and I'm usually right. I know I am not perfect, but I'm not a horrible person either. And so far the number of people I've met who are worth me changing is very limited. As Marilyn Monroe said, if you can't take me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best. But then I just laugh and go on with my life. Do as you will, this shall be the whole of the law.

Celebrating and more funny clippings

Well, we got our leave approved and I just bought the tickets, so now I can say what I've been wanting to say for quite a while.

I'm coming home.

It will only be for 10 days, but we'll get to go camping for succos, maybe go to the fair, and get to hang out with all you people.

I've become slightly obsessed with the local newspaper, which unluckily for you people gets delivered to my door at about 5am every morning.

This first one speaks for itself:

This one isn't funny actually, just disturbing.
Fountain of youth? Maybe not. Waterfall of fertility? Wtf?
wow.
This isn't exactly funny (except the part about the guy hitting the other man with a plastic sword and paintball gun), but I threw it in for good measure.

Here are a few pics for my mom and chuch. The cookies are your recipe chuch, and Mom since you are always posting pics of your meals and stuff I thought I'd give it a try. =)

Am I the only one?

I thought this was funny. Unrelated, but funny.

Obituary clippings from the San Antonio Express:

"Our beloved grandmother Mercedes Teresa Gonzales Cadena was embraced by god and taken to heaven on September 22, 2008 at the age of 82. She was preceded in death by her husband Richard Flota , son Guadalupe Flota, daughter Martha Rose Flota and son Jesus Flota. "

"Simona Villaneauva Delgado, born April 19 1907, graduated to heaven September 17 2008."

Am I the only one that found even slight amusement in those?

Q: Why did the crack head cross the road?
A: To get some crack.

Now for my response

I agree with all of you. No one is completely selfless. I will now give examples:
You become a missionary or vollunteer and go to a third world country and helps out the locals, giving education, medical provisions, and offering hard labor in the community. Yes, these acts benefit the natives greatly. But why did you vollunteer? It could be one of many of a combination of reasons. YOU wanted to get away from your life and start over, YOU wanted to make a difference, YOU wanted your life to be significant, YOU wanted to change lives, YOU believed in it, YOU wanted to feel good and fulfilled. It all comes back to YOU.
Or perhaps you gave up or sacrificed something for someone you care about. Why? Because YOU care about them. Because they are important to YOU. Because if they are unhappy, it will make YOU feel bad. It all comes back to YOU.
Even the martyrs and saints and great people of the world who died for what they believed in, did it because it was important to THEM. Because THEY believed in it.
I'm not saying people don't do things that are relatively unselfish. But at the same time, there is some aspect of self that comes into play. You might take a bullet for someone, but its because YOU love them.
Anyone else see my point?
To answer one of my readers, this was brought on by a very good conversation with someone who thinks alot like me.

The facade that is selflessness

I have recently had an epiphany. I was actually assisted in this realization, but it makes perfect sense all the same.
That is that NO ONE is selfess. Before I continue with this in any depth, I wish to ask you all a question to which I expect a reply with an explanation. You will not like mine.

Is anyone truly selfless?

I expect examples.
*Those of you who believe in Jesus/Yeshua feel free to use him as well.
*Disclaimer: I will explain in greater detail after reviewing the response I get.

Feeling uninspired

I am so bored. No one should be bored on the weekend . lol So to try and cure my boredom I am watching Napolian Dynomite. Hilarious movie!
I haven't been writing in my book much. Actually, not at all for a little over a month now. I've worked on the ending a bit, but not much. I seem to have lost my inspiration. I sit there and stare at the screen grinding my teeth. I know exactly where I wanted the book to go, but I can't decide if thats still what I want. I know if I change the plot as dramatically as I am thinking it could quite potentially ruin the entire thing. So I guess you could say I know what I need to do, but I am too stubborn. I should know better than to let my personal life effect my writing in such a negative way, but I can't seem to help it. I'm working through some things, and then I should be able to pick it back up and finish it. But until then, my progress is on hold.
Well, it seems there is some excitement to be found after all. Afer following an odd smell to the kitchen I discovered a burrito Alex was cooking. I got really excited and decided I wanted one, and as he took it out started freaking out a bit because it was so hot. Somehow we collided and he smeared the back of my shoulder with the steaming burrito. I squealed and succeeded in knocking a plate off the counter, which shattered at our feet. Everything turned out okay though and now we are sitting here watching Napolian Dynomite and eating burritos.
Goodtimes.

Pics of the new place

Our foyer and living room
Our dining room
Our kitchen

Our view from our bedroom

Our view from the front

Our living room

Our hallway
Our spare room

Our walk in closet
Our bedroom

Giligan, a kitten that wonders up sometimes. She is very sweet and cuddly.
My obcenely orange skirt

Marcus giving his mama a foot rub
The boys taking a break from moving
Chilling at the hookah lounge
The foot ball game