Thursday, March 26, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Not over
Can it really all be for nothing? Can it really be over...?
No. Not yet. I'm not giving up, not as long as I'm given a chance. Call me stupid, call me ignorant, call me a hopeless romantic. I don't care. As long as theres a chance, I'll take it.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
No words....
The new start I was speaking of, well, didn't work.
I don't know where exactly I went wrong, but I must have somewhere. I tried everything I already knew and went to people I trusted for advice when I ran out of ideas. I exhausted all avenues, gave everything I had to give.
But it wasn't enough.
Just like I cannot alter reality or time travel, I cannot take away free will or change human nature. I could no more change this than I could sprout a pair of wings and fly. But why do I feel so to blame? Why do I still drive myself crazy trying to devise a solution? I'm told theres nothing I can do, that its out of my control now and I have no say or choice. But why can't I accept that? All the effort, all the time, all the memories... can it all really be for nothing?
Can it really be over?
No one will believe me when I tell them. They'll all say fight harder, communicate more, try therapy, have faith, try this, try that. They won't understand I already have. They won't understand its not up to me. They won't understand anything.....
I don't know where exactly I went wrong, but I must have somewhere. I tried everything I already knew and went to people I trusted for advice when I ran out of ideas. I exhausted all avenues, gave everything I had to give.
But it wasn't enough.
Just like I cannot alter reality or time travel, I cannot take away free will or change human nature. I could no more change this than I could sprout a pair of wings and fly. But why do I feel so to blame? Why do I still drive myself crazy trying to devise a solution? I'm told theres nothing I can do, that its out of my control now and I have no say or choice. But why can't I accept that? All the effort, all the time, all the memories... can it all really be for nothing?
Can it really be over?
No one will believe me when I tell them. They'll all say fight harder, communicate more, try therapy, have faith, try this, try that. They won't understand I already have. They won't understand its not up to me. They won't understand anything.....
Friday, March 6, 2009
update
Well everyone, its been a while. I make no apologies, except to Mama of course, who has been faithfully blogging frequently in my absence.
Life has been crazy lately..... Very crazy. December was a really rough month, and I think I'm still trying to get back on my feet. But there's not much recovery in sight, at least not anytime soon. If restoration is even possible, its going to take a lot of time and a lot of hard work. I went home in January, as you all know. It was a nice long visit, and I think I finally got some closure on some issues. After a lot of fear, a lot of pain and anger, I think I can finally say it will be okay, eventually. I know none of this makes any sense to my readers.
We moved on post a couple of weeks ago. Its a really nice villa style 2bed, 2bath house with a yard, trees, a huge porch, a garage, and a stucco roof. It has a big kitchen, lots of space, and wood floors. We really love it here. Moving was a bitch, but it was worth it. Living on post is so much nicer than an apartment complex. Theres community here, we're all in the same boat. Pretty much everything we need is here on post, its like a seperate world. There are banks, a post office, gorcery store, service stations, a hostpital, a mechanic, a police force, a department store, food places, a blowling ally... the list goes on. And there's a different standard than in the civilian world. We can leave our car parked on the street with no fear of it getting broken into. We can leave our doors unlocked, our windows open at night. There are MPs constantly patrolling, and since most of the people living in our district are either couples with no kids or couples with one kid there are no teenagers running around acting crazy. This same standard also holds the two of us accountable and keeps us from getting into trouble.
Anyway, I'm hoping this move will serve as a fresh start for us. Maybe give us a chance to right some things, give ourselves another chance. If not, well, I guess we shall see. Either way, we are running out of time.
I hope that everyone is doing well, and if I haven't talked to some of you in a while please understand I've been very busy trying to make this place a home as well as put as much eff0rt into that fresh start I mentioned as possible. So don't take offense, I've just got a hell of a lot going on right now.
Anywho, time to get back to whatever it was I was doing before this. I love you all.
Life has been crazy lately..... Very crazy. December was a really rough month, and I think I'm still trying to get back on my feet. But there's not much recovery in sight, at least not anytime soon. If restoration is even possible, its going to take a lot of time and a lot of hard work. I went home in January, as you all know. It was a nice long visit, and I think I finally got some closure on some issues. After a lot of fear, a lot of pain and anger, I think I can finally say it will be okay, eventually. I know none of this makes any sense to my readers.
We moved on post a couple of weeks ago. Its a really nice villa style 2bed, 2bath house with a yard, trees, a huge porch, a garage, and a stucco roof. It has a big kitchen, lots of space, and wood floors. We really love it here. Moving was a bitch, but it was worth it. Living on post is so much nicer than an apartment complex. Theres community here, we're all in the same boat. Pretty much everything we need is here on post, its like a seperate world. There are banks, a post office, gorcery store, service stations, a hostpital, a mechanic, a police force, a department store, food places, a blowling ally... the list goes on. And there's a different standard than in the civilian world. We can leave our car parked on the street with no fear of it getting broken into. We can leave our doors unlocked, our windows open at night. There are MPs constantly patrolling, and since most of the people living in our district are either couples with no kids or couples with one kid there are no teenagers running around acting crazy. This same standard also holds the two of us accountable and keeps us from getting into trouble.
Anyway, I'm hoping this move will serve as a fresh start for us. Maybe give us a chance to right some things, give ourselves another chance. If not, well, I guess we shall see. Either way, we are running out of time.
I hope that everyone is doing well, and if I haven't talked to some of you in a while please understand I've been very busy trying to make this place a home as well as put as much eff0rt into that fresh start I mentioned as possible. So don't take offense, I've just got a hell of a lot going on right now.
Anywho, time to get back to whatever it was I was doing before this. I love you all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
