Only me....

I only know one person who could injure themselves the way I did last night. Me.
I was shaving in the shower and I kid you not, the razor sliced completely through the nail of my left birdie finger and into the flesh beneath. Yes. And it hurt like you wouldn't believe. Willy was there asking me if I was okay, but I just stood there and refused to look at my bleeding finger. Its fine though. I just put some honey on it and bandaided it. It hurts a little now, but not too bad. I'm actually quite impressed with myself.

Also, I broke my dishwasher a couple of days ago. Well, actually it was already broken and me in my infinate wisdom increased its brokeness. lol I'm hoping that it is actually something the apartment maintenence people do. Otherwise we are screwed.

We are wanting to come home and visit sometime before the year is up. He has plenty of leave saved up, its just the monetary issue. With us being on a budget it means trips need more planning and prepraration. So I don't know if its going to work out or not.... I've been hearing about everyone getting their stimulis checks in, and we never did. So unless a check randomly shows up in our mailbox or a nice sized deposit is made to our bank account (aside from paychecks) then I don't see it happening.

But you never know. Life is full of surprises.

I like surprises.

If its money.

lol

Aren't I cute?

My finger hurts.

Lalalala

Okay, so I'm in a pretty bad mood. The weekend wasn't great, had some fun spots and some pretty sucky spots. Now the week is well underway and I'm back in my groove. The groove of laundry, cooking, cleaning, and pretty much just regular stuff.
I think I may be coming down with something. I have felt nauseous for days, I puked yesterday, my throat is sore, my head hurts, and I feel like crap. Could just be my Epstine bar flaring, thyroid flaring, or something else. Oh yeah, and I've got the shits. So I think I must have a virus. I don't care much, beside having to go to phisical therapy.
I also will most likely be attending a military ball in september. I am kicking myself for mentioning going to Alex, because I'm not wanting to so much anymore. I have to find a formal dress, cheap, because the only thing I own that I could possibly wear makes me look like a fatass. My hips look so big I should have a wide load sticker taped to my ass. You think I'm joking. Anyway, the hoity-toity-lets-be-fake-and -pretend-we -like-eachother events aren't my arena. But I have to behave because I have to make my husband look good in front of his superiors. Oh the joys of being an army wife. I guess I will get a corset or something if I can't find a dress I like. And my husband will just have to deal with the fact that its sleeveless.
But my he does look good in his class A's. They'll all be asking, "Whats a guy like him doing with a girl like that?" But then they will just think I'm really good in bed {jury is still out on that one}. lol *sigh* If Pooh were here I'd sing a complaining song with him.
I was wondering where I my man is, then remembered he is going to the gym after work. Wonder what time he will be home????
I would work out..... but I am so close to vomiting I can taste it so maybe exterting myself isn't a genius idea. I haven't the engery anyway. I've got the shakes now...... I wanna just pass out. Not far from it. Oh I do hate the taste of vomit. Quite.
I'm going to go.... I think I have a fever but don't own a thermometer so.... If the sweat and light-headedness is any indication I'd say its about 99.5 and I know that because I'm just that good. I am only getting sick because I didn't have the energy to deny it this time. I just said screw it and let nature take its course instead of simply deciding I'm not going to get sick - which takes more energy than you might think.
Please don't call me and check on me because I most likely won't pick up and you'll just worry when I don't.
I'm fine, I just need orange juice and sleep.

Plants

I am so proud of myself. I never thought I had much of a green thumb (never gave it much of a try unless you count your mother's huge garden), but I've managed to keep 6 plants alive, some for going on 4 or months.

The easiest have been the Aloe and Bamboo. The aloe I only water every 3 or 4 days, and not much. She stays out of direct sunlight, and I haven't fed her. She is located next to the bamboo, purely for Rupert's benifit.The bamboo I don't do anything to, as she is Ruperts companion and is self sufficient (the flowers are plastic and for decoration).The Mum plant is flourishing right next to the window. I open the blinds and give her sunlight a couple of hours every day, and usually water her every other day or when the soil is no longer moist.

The Rosemary went through a rough spot but is recovering nicely. I try to water her every day, but it usually ends up every other day. She is in direct sunlight for several hours a day.

The Trellis is the only one I have concerns about. Back about a month ago the staff here repainted the rails - and her vines, which were intwined around the rail. All of her flowers fell off and she still looks sickly, but much better than she did.Then come the Salvia plant. At first I had her in direct sunlight, watering sometimes even twice a day because she was so dry. Half of her leaves would wilt, and after another watering perk back up. This was a daily occurance until finally most of her leaves turned brown and died. I picked them off (with the help of Ireane and plant food) and moved her to the shade. Now she is flourishing.

The first thing I do when I get a new plant and have questions on how to care for it, I google it. Yes, I am becoming obsessed. I can't help it. Its nice to have something depend on me, something to take care of and feed and water. Rupert has been a nice addition to the family. I changed his water a few days ago, and although I think it was a bit of a traumatic experience for him he seems very happy to have fresh water and a clean bowl. I'm thinking of getting him a friend - one he won't kill. Anyway, this is my little hippy post. I've gotta go grocery shopping, so I'm out.

The BBQ

Well, I went to the BBQ and it wasn't a complete disaster. There was an olympic size pool and after about 2 hours of watching other people swim I decided to hell with the taped knee and got in. There were pretty big water slides and they were fun. I didn't get burned but Alex did. I hung out with Ireane and Amanda, discussing things like local produce, stretch marks, and of course, other people. lol Nah but for real they are cool and its nice to have people in the community I can hang with.
The 5 dozen PB cookies and 4 dozen brownies were gone almost within an hour. I literally had people bowing down to me as they walked by, holding as many cookies as their hands could hold. I had originally thought I made too many, but I guess not. If they werent all eaten then someone smuggled them away.
There was a service dog there, a mixed chow Named Jessie. She was very cute, and at one point came and laid on my feet, like Milo used to do. It made me tear up.
husband is pretty much wiped out after hours of swimming, and we all know that sunburn drains energy. So he's napping and I'm waiting for him to get up so he can grill the steaks. I made some potato salad (first ever) to go with, so we'll see how that turns out. Naturally I wasn't satsfied with the original taste and deviated from the recipe. We'll see how that works out for me. :-/

These two get along so well!
Jessie
My hot man before he got scorched.
Marcus chillin in the kiddie pool
Marcus and Teet

By the way my potato salad turned out really good. Go me.

Update on my bum knee

Well, I told you people I'm not a hypocontriact.. There is something wrong with my knee. Its called Patellofemoral Syndrome. The patella isn't tracking properly in the patellofemoral groove. Basically my kneecap is off track. This is caused by muscular dysfunction in the muscles surrounding and connected to the area, biomechemical problems, and and simply overuse. I personally think I have pretty strong legs (though my phisical therapist did say my quadtricept on the left side isn't as strong as the right) and the pain did start after I started running on the treadmill. And I skipped the whole 'walking and stretching' and went straight into hardcore galloping. lol So I think thats where the problem started. Plus, I've had phisical therapy on this knee before (for an unrelated injury) so its possible that is the reason that knee is weaker.
Anyway, she repositioned my kneecap and taped it in place, and I start actual therapy next week. Its a reacurring problem, so I'll have to do these specific excerises for the rest of my life. She also said it could possibly be connected to my back pain, and reinforced my opinion about periodically getting retested for thyroid problems as it can very easily be missed for years before it shows up on tests. Over all it was a productive consultation, and I'm happy to know whats actually wrong with my knee. Surgery is a last resort.
Oh yeah, it can also be caused by foot problems, specifically the arch. Several years ago I was diognosed with 2 different hereditary foot problems, one involving my arch.
So thats the scoop.
So anyway, I've wasted time blogging when I should have been getting ready for the battalion BBQ we're having today. My lovely husband told the commander I would bring food, so I spent most of yesterday and last night baking 4 dozen brownies and 5 or 6 dozen cookies. And now I have to cart the on post, after getting a shower - which I hardly have time for now.
So Imma bounce. Later yall!
And yes Jen, we are on the second floor of our building. The stairs are a bitch.

The weekend

The weekend was uneventful. Alex showed up friday after work with a yellow blooming houseplant (adding to my obsession) and a blue beta. I mentioned a while back that I wanted a fish, but never got one. And the other day I mentioned to Mama that I was thinking about getting one, and he shows up holding one.
Alex enrolled in college last week and he starts class saturday. It sucks that he has to get up at like 7am on saturday, but I'll probably still be sleeping when he gets home. And we'll still have saturday nights and sundays free. I'm excited for him, and really happy he's doing this. Just a few more credits and then he will have his AS and can go for his BA. Woot woot! I guess we will have to put off that backpacking trip until the fall. But thats better anyway, because I don't know if my knee could handle it right now.
I start phisical therapy tomorrow, though I still harbor the opinion that its stupid. They are going to treat me with PT and they don't even know whats wrong. If they make my knee worse, I swear to god.... I'm just ready for this to go away. I haven't been able to work out hardly at all since my knee messed up (the dr thinks I may have injured it on the treadmill) and the pain makes normal everyday tasks more difficult. Standing up or walking up or down stairs feels like my knee cap is going to shatter. Simply doing laundry or grocery shopping kills me, and I have to end up either taking ibuprofin or icing it. Also, after almost a month of being pain free, my back started hurting agian the past few days. I can't wait to see me when I am an old woman.
Also, when my fatigue flares up again I am going to go to my new dr and have her give me a phisical. I still think I have a thyroid problem due to the fact that so many women in my family have it and I have so many fof the symptoms. I think the reason it didn't show up last time was because I wasn't having a 'flare up' and if its dormant it won't show up on tests, so you have to keep retesting and trying to catch it. My new dr seems like she might would shut her trap and listen slightly more than my last dr so I'm going to give it a shot. But this time I won't mention depression, as I don't want a repeat performance of last time when I had the shrink called in on me. Morons.
Aside from all that jazz, things are pretty much the same as usual.
We named the fish Rupert.

Cable Car

I know a lot of people will find this quite humorous, but I don't care. Actually I was quite surprised at myself when I discovered I actually liked this song. Anyway, this song describes sooooo many things going on in my life and I was feeling.... shall we say.... morose? So here goes.

I never knewI never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears
Everyone knows I'm in
Over my headOver my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mindShe's on your mind
Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between
Everyone knows I'm in
Over my headOver my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mindShe's on your mind
Everyone knows I'm in
Over my headOver my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mindShe's on your mind
And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves
And everyone knows I'm in
Over my headOver my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mindShe's on your mind

Movie reviews

Today has been normal. Back into my daily routine I've been doing laundry, cooking dishes I learned from my mama, cleaning dishes, killing people on x-box live, smoking a grand total of 4 cigerettes, and sweating. A lot.
Not much is going on here, its juts hot as hell. I need to go grocery shopping, but I've been putting it off. Might as well wait until I've got a nice long list of items needed anyway.
I have seen several movies lately. My definate favorite movie, of all time, is Batman II, Dark Knight. As its been said a million times before, Heath Ledger's (RIP) performance was ASTOUNDING. He completely captured and embodied the essence of the Joker character, bringing him to life on screen. I have always been a sucker for villians, loving Darth Vader, Scar, Magneto, Lex Luthor, so on. The Joker is most probably my most favored villian. I have always liked the Joker, as well as Batman. I like Batman, perhaps my favorite superhero, because he has no superpowers. He's a normal man, utilizing his wealth and martial arts training and making a difference in his city regardless of the toll it takes on him. The Joker, he does things for the hell of it. He does things no one else has the balls to do. He throws a wrench in the machine just to sit back and see what happens. He inspires people, and he makes points. He teaches people lessons. I love nearly every line in the movie, but three of my favorites are:
"You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villian." -Harvey Dent
"Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh and you know the thing about chaos, it's fair. " -The Joker
"You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just, do things. " -The joker
I finally saw Sin City, my husband's favorite movie. It was gory and had a lot of nudity, but was overall a good movie. Extremely artsy, so for those interested in photography this is an excellent film to watch - assuming you don't have a weak stomach. Favorite line:
"I took his weapons. Both of them." -Bruce Willis
I also saw Montey Python Life of Brian. It was hilarious. Holy grail remains my favorite, but life of Brian was worth watching. The humor in the Montey Python movies can only be appreciated by certain types of people. I've found most everyone I know hates them, along with Napolian Dynomite, Shaun of the Dead, and Hot fuzz. And Life of Brian should be avoided by christians who are particularly sensitive about their religion. Favorite line:
"He's making it up as he goes along!"-John Cleese
And just for laughs and giggles, a few of my favorite lines from Holy Grail: "Its not a question of where he grips it!" -Guard
"Please! Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who." -King of the swamp castle
"I bet you're gay!"
I also saw HellBoy II. It was better than I expected, the elves being my favorite part. Abe and Prince Nuada were my favorite characters, despite Liz's ability. It was funny, and there were a few scenes with impressive martial arts. The plot was easily guessed, and not something I would pay to see again in theater. But overall an entertaining movie. Favorite lines:
"You may have mused in the past, am I mortal? Now you are." - Prince Nuada
Greed had burned a hole in their hearts that will never be filled. They will never have enough. Father, you were once a proud warrior. When did you become their pet? I have returned from exile to wage war and reclaim our land, our birthright! And for that I will call upon the help of all my people and they will answer. The good, the bad... and the worst." -Prince Nuada
"Let this remind you why you once feared the dark..." -Prince Nuada

Anyway, there are plenty more movies I'd love to see. There are so many good ones coming out this summer, and I simply haven't the time nor money to see them all. Some will definately have to be renters, though I would sacrifice seeing one I haven't seen to see Dark knight for the 3rd time.
Hope you all get the chance to go see a good movie soon. Its nice to be taken away from reality and into someone else's fantasy for a couple of hours.

Thieving sons of bitches!

Okay, I know that young people read my blog, but I'm really pissed off right now. For the second time since we moved here, our car got broken into 2 nights ago. Thankfully I've learned from previous experience and the doors were unlocked, so no windows were busted out. We also haven't replaced our radio since the last time we were robbed - for this very reason - so all that was in the car of any value was one of my old cell phones. So yes, it was taken. The interesting part is today I was out smoking and enjoying the rain, and I saw a cop car pull up to our neighbors (2 doors down) and start filling out a report from the guy. After the cop finished up I asked my neighbor's wife if they had been robbed. They said yes. In fact, their window had been busted out and the thief had bled all over their seats. I find that unfortunate for my neighbors, but extremely amusing also. Because the douche bag that robbed us all didn't go away unscathed. As we were discussing this, our next door neighbor came out and asked if we'd all been robbed. So had he. So their stereos were taken, and my old phone. My radio would have been taken (for the third time) if I'd been stupid enough to install another one. We all decided to call the office and complain -which I promptly did - and I ran downstairs and told the cop about the other robberies. He decided that since it is becoming such a problem, he is going to have his partner (who works the night shift) patrol the complex at night. I don't know what good it will do, but it can't hurt. At least it will show that there is increased security here now. Damn well better be.
Aside from that, everythings fine. I don't expect our apartment to be broken into, because the cars are simply easy targets. And everyone that was robbed (that I know of) was on the top floor. It would be much more risky to break into an apartment, and even if they were brave enough, now me and several neighbors are on the lookout. I would love to cut them to ribbons.

Well everyone, I now have a photo blog. This is the link: www.whys0seri0us.blogspot.com I decided I didn't want to clog up my written posts with too many photos, so I created another blog exclusively photos. Enjoy.

Oh yeah, how could I forget?! Alex got......drumroll........PROMOTED!!!!! He is now PFC, no longer PV2. E3, not E2. I couldn't be prouder if I was twins. He's very happy as well, and proud to wear his new rank. Way to go baby!
Well people, I am bored so I'm off to find something else to do. Perhaps post more pics to my photo blog.
Later

Birthday parties for the strong of heart

Well, we got back from Ft hood and have been settling back into a routine here at home. We're back on a budget and the envelope system, and thats working out famously. You all should be doing it because its amazing how much money it saves you. You'd be surprised at the amount of cashola you waste when its converted into plastic instead of paper.

And yes, this post is a futile attempt to avoid the piles of laundry I have to wash. My knee can't handle walking up and down those stairs too many times, especially with added weight.

The day after we got back we went to Marcus's 3rd b-day party. It was a split party, shared with a one year old little boy. There was, of course, drama. There always is when theres that many kids and that many adults in one place, especially when alcohol is added to the scenario. But Ireane handled herself splendidly, and I was very proud. So all is well that ends relatively well.

I've got pics, of the good stuff. I unfortunately was too busy spying to catch the drama on tape. It would have been exibit A, serving to fuel Ireane's rage and and ignite the near drama collision into a family pile-up.

And today I'm cleaning house and letting my thoughts obsess. Just another day.

Here are the pics of Austin and the party.

Marcus liked our gift the best.
Why does my husband looked stoned??






PS I know that Mia looks like she's about to fall to her death, but I assure you she was perfectly secure on my lap and sleeping like..... a baby.

Life these days

Well, I'm in a motel just outside Ft Hood. Alex had combatives training here and he decided to bring me along. So I've been chilling. Window shopping and swimming and the such. I feel like I am in rehab. lol New room, no car, relative confinment, coming off cigerettes.... lol
I went to the dr about my knee, and apparantly I either have arthritus or tendonitus. She is sending me to phisical therapy. Peachy. She says to avoid running or putting strain on it. Its funny to see me walking up stairs though.
Today Alex had to get punched in the face four times by the instructer without being allowed to hit back. His face is bruised and swollen. I feel really bad for him and it pisses me off. This is the funny part: I am not allowed to give him hickies because its considered 'damage of government property' (screw that, by the way) yet they can beat him in the face (several people went to the ER with broken noses and concussions) until it bruises and swells????? What the hell????? God I hate Army Reg. I am really happy he is getting this training, but the Army's regulations piss me off sooooo much. One square inch place under his eye is really bad. The skin is literally ripped away. It will most likely scar. I'm angry.
Well, I added some new songs on my player. Songs I used to love and had forgotten about. And yes Chuch, you are free to steal these too. :-)
I've got a nice tan, especially after a 6 hour tubing trip saturday. It was hot and the water was ice cold (not swimmable), and there were literally hundreds of people there.
No one blogs anymore. I'm thinking of shutting mine down. I'm starting to get bored with it.
Marcus is having his third birthday party saturday. That should be lots of fun. He's a great kid. We get along famously. He's a handful though.
I'm thinking of getting a tatoo. Me and Alex will probably get one together soon. Should be fun. Just need to decide which one I want first.
Wow, I am really bored.
Well, Alex is home. I guess I need to go nurse his wounds.

Best friend

I tried my hardest,
I did my best,
But in end I failed the test.

You say things about me,
the way that I am,
but never say I didn't give a damn.

You think I'm a bitch,
and you're probably right,
but I never hid who I was from your sight.

You think I'm no good,
a horrible friend,
but I told you that - I didn't pretend.

You thought you could handle my issues,
thought you could save me,
I guess your mistake you now see.

You said you were different,
that you'd never leave,
but now you've given up on me.

If there is one thing,
I wish you knew,
its that I tried to be better for you.

My very best effort,
I gave it my all,
But now you don't care if I fall.

What hurts the most,
Oh the irony,
is the one who wasn't good enough was me.

Abandonment, betrayal, dishonesty,
I guess it was fate,
Now I grieve as you join the list of those I hate.
-Marli Cauthen 2008

This was my guesture of closure, my final say on an issue that has added many memo's to my notes to self. An issue that completely blindsided me, but I am rapidly coming to terms with. I disabled commentary because I really don't care what anyone has to say about it and don't want to engage in meaningless banter about my life. Truth is, I know more about the issue than ANYONE else who could read this, and so I don't need unsolicited advice or valueless lecturing. So spare me. This is for me.

-Phoenix out

My way or the highway

I know I'm young and there are plenty of other people out there to be friends with and look on the brightside and don't write people off and all that jazz.
My point isn't to try and be proven wrong or told to get over it.
I know people come and go, I know most friendships aren't forever, I know people change and grow apart. But thats my point, thats what I'm saying. I DONT LIKE IT. I don't like putting so much time and effort into a friendship only to watch it wash away. I don't like seeing someone who has such a large piece of me and who knows so much about me just turn their backs and walk away. It pisses me off. And its not something I want to spend my life continuously repeating.
All of you can be happy and not upset when you lose a friendship, just take the good memories and be happy you had this person in your life for a bit. But I have never been a 'its better to have loved and lost then never loved at all' person. I watched my father die and I would have rathered he never existed than go through that. I love him, and I have memories I cherish, but he didn't deserve that and neither did I. So when you've lost someone like that, you gain a new perspective on getting attached and then ripped apart. And the friendship I'm referring to, it wasn't some superficial everyday buddyness. It was a rare and unexplainable friendship, the once in a lifetime kind. Please don't preach at me about this just being life. I know a little more about life then people give me credit for.
You look at it like you want, and I'll look at it like I want. I don't want advice or encouragement. I just want to say it sucks and I have no desire to repeat it because to ME, people aren't worth it. And I don't need a extensive network of friends to be happy and enjoy life. I'm not terrified of getting hurt, and I'm not afraid to meet new people. I just don't like them. And its my life and my hand of cards and I have to live it no one else will do it for me. I've got to go through my process, the one that is tried and true. Not someone else's.

Grasping at the wind.....

Do you ever wonder how many endeavors are pursued in vain? Do you ever wonder how much time is wasted on pointless goals? You put a piece of yourself in everyone you meet, and in the people you seek relationships with you put a more intimate piece, and you nurture it and cultivate it and watch it grow into something dangerous and fragile and often beautiful.
And then it gets dashed away, as if it was nothing.
There are things that hurt worse true, but not many. Relationships that you once thought were vital to your happiness and you thought were priority to both people involved, just cast away for no damn reason. At least no reason that is disclosed to you. Its a shame, and a waste.
But it does serve to prove my point, the point I've been trying to make people understand for years: Everyone will let you down. Don't put complete trust or faith in ANYONE because NO ONE can live up to the unrealistic expectations of true unadulterated friendship. Human beings are selfish animals, and in the end it comes to survival of the fittest. Survival of one's self. Self preservation at all costs. This isn't to say some people don't give it their sincere effort. They put their best foot foward and give it their all. But the truth is, thats not enough. People are needy, but they take more than they give. And even the givers, even those you would have never expected to abandon you because their record of loyalty and faithfulness is flawless, eventually even they will grow weary of the selflessness and lack of gratification. And they will leave.
Yes, some friendships are life long. Some marriages last until death. But you know what? At least one of the people in the relationship and usually both have let the other person down in a major way. They've hurt them and scarred them. And if they haven't, they will. Tis the nature of the human animal. This is why I prefer dogs. Because it is in the dog's nature to remain loyal at all costs. They are not inately selfish creatures, but in nature rely on eachother for survival. Push comes to shove then yes, they might kill another animal over food or mate. But when it comes to their human counterparts, they are content to eat and love you. And if you feed them and treat them like they deserve to be treated, they will remain faithful until death - come hell or high water. If this animal is unfaithful to you, it is your fault and not their's. Such is not the case with humans. Consider yourself blessed if you find a friend with dog-like qualities. I had one once. But that went to hell, and I'm still not sure why. I guess this person had more cat in their personality than I realized. I nurtured that, so I guess I'm partially to blame. This is why I miss Milo so much, because he was selfless and not judgemental. He was all heart, and he exibited loyalty that I rarely see. And he died alone.
The thought of making more friends and letting myself get even remotely close to someone new sickens me even more than it did a few weeks ago. Because it simply isn't worth it. But maybe its all about Karma... But a lot of things sicken me right now. I'm so discusted with people and life in general. I'm not seeing the silver lining, the half full glass everyone is always talking about. I'm not seeing the beauty in life that every so often shows herself to me. And what chance does beauty or anything good have in a world like this? A bleak and hopeless chasm that devours hope and beauty and love and all things worth living for.
Such is life.