Pictures of life lately

Me and Toto^^^

Kissy Kissy... ^^^Sad face^^^

Me and Jamie^^^

Me and Justin^^^

The Charmed Ones^^^

Barbie Girls ^^^

Coyote Uglies^^^I will curse you... ^^^

Time Lords^^^

PHOENIX

You might knock me to my knees, but I won't stay down long.
And if you think this will destroy me, I'm here to say you're wrong.
Theres too much for me to let something tear me apart.
And if I back up it will only be to get a running start.
I might stumble and I may just fall, but I'll get back up.
I may take a break to catch my breath but I won't give up.
I will ride out the storm, soar above the wind, surf the waves, fight fire with fire, and when the smoke clears I will be rising out of the ashes, head held high giving you a one fingered salute.

Restart

Restart....

I wish I could rewrite history, I wish I could change the past.

I'd take all the proper steps, to ensure we'd last.

I'd undo all the mistakes we made, I'd unplay all the games we played.

Restart....

I'd hold you up when you were weak, I'd never let you fall.

I'd take care of everything, and be there when you called.

I'd hold your hand through everything, I'd be right by your side,

I'd stand against your every foe, I'd never run and hide.

Restart.....

If Time is watching us now, she is laughing.

If Pain is watching us now, she is reveling.

If Love is watching us now, she is weeping.

If Hope is watching us now, she is dying.

Restart....

If I could start again, I don't know what I'd do.

I thought I did it all right, with my world centered around you.

And though go back in time I know I can't,

oh god what I would give for the chance......

Restart......

forget it

On second thought, nevermind.

Not over

Can it really all be for nothing? Can it really be over...?

No. Not yet. I'm not giving up, not as long as I'm given a chance. Call me stupid, call me ignorant, call me a hopeless romantic. I don't care. As long as theres a chance, I'll take it.

No words....

The new start I was speaking of, well, didn't work.
I don't know where exactly I went wrong, but I must have somewhere. I tried everything I already knew and went to people I trusted for advice when I ran out of ideas. I exhausted all avenues, gave everything I had to give.
But it wasn't enough.
Just like I cannot alter reality or time travel, I cannot take away free will or change human nature. I could no more change this than I could sprout a pair of wings and fly. But why do I feel so to blame? Why do I still drive myself crazy trying to devise a solution? I'm told theres nothing I can do, that its out of my control now and I have no say or choice. But why can't I accept that? All the effort, all the time, all the memories... can it all really be for nothing?
Can it really be over?
No one will believe me when I tell them. They'll all say fight harder, communicate more, try therapy, have faith, try this, try that. They won't understand I already have. They won't understand its not up to me. They won't understand anything.....

update

Well everyone, its been a while. I make no apologies, except to Mama of course, who has been faithfully blogging frequently in my absence.
Life has been crazy lately..... Very crazy. December was a really rough month, and I think I'm still trying to get back on my feet. But there's not much recovery in sight, at least not anytime soon. If restoration is even possible, its going to take a lot of time and a lot of hard work. I went home in January, as you all know. It was a nice long visit, and I think I finally got some closure on some issues. After a lot of fear, a lot of pain and anger, I think I can finally say it will be okay, eventually. I know none of this makes any sense to my readers.
We moved on post a couple of weeks ago. Its a really nice villa style 2bed, 2bath house with a yard, trees, a huge porch, a garage, and a stucco roof. It has a big kitchen, lots of space, and wood floors. We really love it here. Moving was a bitch, but it was worth it. Living on post is so much nicer than an apartment complex. Theres community here, we're all in the same boat. Pretty much everything we need is here on post, its like a seperate world. There are banks, a post office, gorcery store, service stations, a hostpital, a mechanic, a police force, a department store, food places, a blowling ally... the list goes on. And there's a different standard than in the civilian world. We can leave our car parked on the street with no fear of it getting broken into. We can leave our doors unlocked, our windows open at night. There are MPs constantly patrolling, and since most of the people living in our district are either couples with no kids or couples with one kid there are no teenagers running around acting crazy. This same standard also holds the two of us accountable and keeps us from getting into trouble.
Anyway, I'm hoping this move will serve as a fresh start for us. Maybe give us a chance to right some things, give ourselves another chance. If not, well, I guess we shall see. Either way, we are running out of time.
I hope that everyone is doing well, and if I haven't talked to some of you in a while please understand I've been very busy trying to make this place a home as well as put as much eff0rt into that fresh start I mentioned as possible. So don't take offense, I've just got a hell of a lot going on right now.
Anywho, time to get back to whatever it was I was doing before this. I love you all.