Grasping at the wind.....

Do you ever wonder how many endeavors are pursued in vain? Do you ever wonder how much time is wasted on pointless goals? You put a piece of yourself in everyone you meet, and in the people you seek relationships with you put a more intimate piece, and you nurture it and cultivate it and watch it grow into something dangerous and fragile and often beautiful.
And then it gets dashed away, as if it was nothing.
There are things that hurt worse true, but not many. Relationships that you once thought were vital to your happiness and you thought were priority to both people involved, just cast away for no damn reason. At least no reason that is disclosed to you. Its a shame, and a waste.
But it does serve to prove my point, the point I've been trying to make people understand for years: Everyone will let you down. Don't put complete trust or faith in ANYONE because NO ONE can live up to the unrealistic expectations of true unadulterated friendship. Human beings are selfish animals, and in the end it comes to survival of the fittest. Survival of one's self. Self preservation at all costs. This isn't to say some people don't give it their sincere effort. They put their best foot foward and give it their all. But the truth is, thats not enough. People are needy, but they take more than they give. And even the givers, even those you would have never expected to abandon you because their record of loyalty and faithfulness is flawless, eventually even they will grow weary of the selflessness and lack of gratification. And they will leave.
Yes, some friendships are life long. Some marriages last until death. But you know what? At least one of the people in the relationship and usually both have let the other person down in a major way. They've hurt them and scarred them. And if they haven't, they will. Tis the nature of the human animal. This is why I prefer dogs. Because it is in the dog's nature to remain loyal at all costs. They are not inately selfish creatures, but in nature rely on eachother for survival. Push comes to shove then yes, they might kill another animal over food or mate. But when it comes to their human counterparts, they are content to eat and love you. And if you feed them and treat them like they deserve to be treated, they will remain faithful until death - come hell or high water. If this animal is unfaithful to you, it is your fault and not their's. Such is not the case with humans. Consider yourself blessed if you find a friend with dog-like qualities. I had one once. But that went to hell, and I'm still not sure why. I guess this person had more cat in their personality than I realized. I nurtured that, so I guess I'm partially to blame. This is why I miss Milo so much, because he was selfless and not judgemental. He was all heart, and he exibited loyalty that I rarely see. And he died alone.
The thought of making more friends and letting myself get even remotely close to someone new sickens me even more than it did a few weeks ago. Because it simply isn't worth it. But maybe its all about Karma... But a lot of things sicken me right now. I'm so discusted with people and life in general. I'm not seeing the silver lining, the half full glass everyone is always talking about. I'm not seeing the beauty in life that every so often shows herself to me. And what chance does beauty or anything good have in a world like this? A bleak and hopeless chasm that devours hope and beauty and love and all things worth living for.
Such is life.