Let Milo open the door to your heart

I just got the call I've been dreading and expecting.
Milo is dead.
I went and saw him a few days ago and noticed he was having some trouble breathing. I also noticed tht he didn't want to walk - at all. And I could see in his eyes that he was tired. So I decided not to be selfish anymore and prayed that either G-d would heal him or just go ahead and take him. And then I kissed him and told him I love him, and I knew that was the last time I'd see him. So I cried my eyes out and said my goodbyes. That was less than a week ago.
Milo was a good dog. He was our little model, our metrosexual. He didn't like getting dirty, he refused to go inside the house, and he was very prissy. He would never have even showed his teeth to me no matter what I did, but he had less patience for other animals and small children. Milo was a lover not a fighter. He was a sweetheart. He hated tags and he snored. He was extremely cuddly and the kind of dog you could snuggle up to and go to sleep with. He had the most precious brown eyes, very sincere and soulful. You knew when you looked at them that he was a keeper. I cried on his shoulder many a time, and he was like one of my kids.
It breaks my heart that he's gone, but he was old and he was ready. Its just me that wasn't.
The story of my life.
One of my fondest memories of him is when we used to lay out in the yard at night and watch the stars. He'd get under the blankets with me and snuggle up, and then I'd laugh at him because he'd start to snore. And back in his younger days he would get all excited and just start running around like a crazy lunatic. And then the other dogs would get excited and chase him and he'd get upset. It was funny.
I will miss him.

RIP Monte Milo Parker "Best doggone dog in the south" Died July 29 2008 Goodbye lover....

another slideshow

Being yourself

A lot of people don't like me.
A lot of people don't approve of the way I live my life.
A lot of people critisize and offer unsolicited advice.
And you know what? A lot of people aren't worth my time.

Through the years I haven't changed much. This doesn't mean I haven't grown up or matured, it just means I've retained my individuality and become confident and comfortable with who I am and what I do. I've come to understand that I don't require or even desire most anyone's approval or permission. This is my life, and the saying rings true that one has to live their own life. I won't acheive happiness through striving to be everything to everyone or make everyone happy. I don't owe anyone anything, just like they don't owe me. As long as I strive to be a good person and do what I feel is right, I am obligated to do nothing else. I'm not obligated to give anyone an explantaion or or ask their permission or forgiveness for how I live my life.
This attitude I have about love, life, and relationships is a work in progress. I haven't acheived the place I want to be, but I'm well on my way. Its a process, one that I rather enjoy.
I don't claim to be perfect. I know better than anyone my own flaws and defects. I also have an eye for other people's and believe me, its a struggle not to exploit that.
Why would someone spend -no, waste their whole lives or even a portion on it trying to live up to everyone's expectations and fit their criteria for what is accaptable? I used to be that way. And then I realized my foolish mistake. And since I have embraced this, I have been liberated. I am true to myself and to people who love and accept me, and theres nothing else is there? I'm all for bettering the world, but you've got to better yourself first. Better to be an asset to the enviroment than a liability.
I wish that everyone could see and understand what I see. That life isn't a popularity contest and you can't and shouldn't have to try to please everyone. I, for one, take immense pleasure in thinking for myself and slapping people with a reality check that I don't live for them.
All of you have the potential to embrace yourself and your individuality and not sacrifice who you are. Theres a difference between being kind and considerate and changing or putting yourself on the back burner just for someone's approval.
I've always hated when people told me to be on my 'best behavior'. And to this day I hate the feeling of being fake when the occasion calls for 'company charm'. I'm very good at it. But I hate it, and can only tolerate it for a very short period. When I am at an event that requires good posture charming manners, I have to struggle to contain my vomit from expelling itself. I do it, so as not to embarrass whoever has braved bringing me along, but its not enjoyable for me. I Am who I am, and I don't desire to live a facade. I'm blunt and a bit harsh, I'm rough around the edges and usually don't take much interest in people or trivial things, I'm stubborn and opinionated and I turned off my give-a-damn a long time ago. I hold grudges and I don't easily trust or forgive, I laugh at people and stand up for odd things I believe it. I don't let people push me around, and I set bounderies that I don't mind letting people know when they've crossed.
If this is your definition of a bitch, than so be it.
I really don't care.
But I encourage all of you, each and every one, to live for you. And to let go of the pointless goal to please everyone and gain their approval. You don't need it.
Be you.

back off my soldier

This is not only to the two people how have left less than supportive comments on my last blog. This is to everyone who has given my husband a hard time about HIS CHOICE of career.

You know what, you people piss me off. Instead of being happy for him, or dissapointed for him because something he has wanted his whole life turned out to be a let down, you laugh at him. Yall always laugh at him and his army life, and you should be proud and supportive. Always talking about how he is brainwashed and laughing at his misery because no, the army isn't always fun or easy. Would it be so difficult to just be a little supportive? Is that too much to ask? He is working his ASS off doing something with his life, he's earning college credit and maintaining a MOS that will almost ensure any job he wants when he gets out. He's supporting a wife and giving her everything she needs, and also risking his life for complete strangers and for YOU. You could be a little less sarcastic and mocking and a little more grateful and proud. At least he's not some unemployed, in debt, drug addict or promiscuous womanizer. Why so much critism? Why so much pleasure in his dissapointment or misery?
It makes me think that someone has inferiority issues.
I, for one, am so proud of him I could explode. You guys have NO clue how hard army life is and how stressful his training and his job really is. You don't have a hint of a clue. So stop being so judgmental and critical.
I love you guys, but seriously, back off.

HE CALLED!

Not fifteen minutes after I got the email, he called me. We talked for 10 minutes (no idea how much that call is gonna cost us and I don't really care) and it was SOOOO good to hear his voice. Basically he hates it there, and no longer hopes we get stationed there. So even though he's not having the best time, he is okay.
I miss him so much, but at least I get to see him in 10 days. Less than 2 weeks. Counting the days.....
My poor baby is cold. I heard Germany is cold, told him to take a coat. He didn't. He also didn't know he was supposed to take a sleeping bag. He has one now tho.
He took a picture of a tower Hitler (boo!) used to stand on and watch his troops in formation. I can't wait to see all the pictures he took.
He had his first German beer today. He said it was good. And for the mommies reading this, don't worry. It's legal there, and his superiors have given them a 2 drink limit so its not like he can get wasted. And come ON, its Germany! This is a once in a lifetime oppurtunity - yes, even for military people. You'd do it, you know you would. And if you went to Amsterdam you'd also smoke a joint or two. Lets not be hypocrites here. lol
He says things are really expensive there - but you know what, I don't want to steal his thunder. I'm sure he'll want to tell you all about it himself at some point in the future, so I am now shutting my mouth.
I miss him.
But at least I know he's okay.

As simple as an email......

I HEARD FROM HIM!!!!
I sent Willy the same email I sent all of you (about unpatriotic anti-americans getting their asses kicked) and today he replied today with an email. Just to let everyone know, he is there and safe and okay. So Sandy and Mama, yall can stop worrying now. :)
It was so refreshing to hear from him, but it leaves me wanting more. He said he'd try to call soon.... I hope he does. I miss him....
Oh the joys of being an Army wife.

I'm Mrs. Lonely

I miss him.

low on the green

Alright everyone, new policy - temporary.
Don't ask me to buy you anything, and don't ask me to do anything with you that cost money unless you are paying. Because bottom line, I can't afford it right now.
With all the traveling and extra expenses, we are low - extremely low - on cash. So I will be cutting the money corners wherever possible for awhile.
This includes no movies, no eating out, nothing.
If it helps you remember, just consider me broke.

Blah.

youtube

btw, I posted a video on youtube and guess who is on it! YOU!
go to youtube and type in my first and last name, see what comes up.

Update

Okay, so I haven't been blogging lately. Its not that I haven't had anything to blog about - because I've had plenty. I've just been busy.
I've spent the last couple of weeks at home in Alabama, enjoying family and friends and trying to pack as much as possible into the trip. There was a wedding with lots of dancing - and me and Chuch totally owned the dance floor from the moment we set foot on it. Not to brag, but well, what the heck. lol It was a lot of fun, but I wish my man had been there so I could have danced with him too.
Then came the fourth of july. It was bittersweet. For the first time in my entire life - 20 earth years - I missed the lake martin fireworks show. The biggest fireworks show in the southeast and a family tradition. While I must admit it lost some of its wonder when my dad died, I have still managed to show up every year. Not the case this time. This time I had no car, was about an hour away, and camping out at the house of a friend of my inlaw's. I still would have found a way to go if my mom had felt well enough, but due to health issues (hopefully nothing major) she missed the show or the first time in OVER 20 years. So I didn't go either, because the main reason I have continued to attend is for my family. As for my sister, I had no idea if she was even plannning to go anyway. So I spent it with my husband and his family. I have to admit it was depressing, missing for the first time a staple tradition that I have never missed since birth - my first attendence was when I was exactly 4 weeks old. So I spent a small portion of time (around 9;30 when the fireworks would be starting) off to myself listening to music and smoking, feeling nostalgic and melancholy.
So to my family, though I wasn't with you then, my heart and mind was.
The rest of the holiday was spent swimming, playing croquet, and skating on the half pipe. I didn't skate much, but I did get up there and try and I didn't fall. I wasn't very good, but it was my first time and it was fun.
My husband came down the 3rd through the 6th, and I really enjoyed getting to spend some time with him since we've been apart. And then on the 8th I flew home and here I am. Back in Texas performing my wifely duties and trying to ingore the fact that in 24 hours I will be starting off another 2 weeks without my man. Depressing, a bit scary, and lonliness-inducing.
I'll be alright though. I'm gonna keep myself busy with more in-depth house cleaning, xbox, and prolling chilling with friends and then I'll fly back to Alabama on monday.
For those who are wondering, coming back to Texas even for a few days was the right thing. It produced the hoped-for results - and beyond.

Well my laundry is done and I need to go start another load before I get snaked again. Wish me luck.

One of those days

Well, Today has pretty much sucked.
First of all I finally got around to transferring my auto insurance from AL to TX and found out the rate is going to be almost double what it was. Friggin Texas. So that was fun.
After that ordeal I decided to lay out and catch some sun and listen music in hopes of relaxing and relieving some stress. It was working until my husband called and delivered some bad news. No, nothing apocolyptic, but still irritating and enough to make me say 'screw it' and go take a cold shower.
So then I went from listening to white stripes and red hot chili peppers to limp bizkit. lol
Anyway, I'm still pretty annoyed and wish I had my punching bag here.
All you people must be burned out on blogger because no one ever posts anymore. I guess I have stolen the show.
I'd like a stiff drink and never ending ciggerette right about now.